How Will I Know?

I once touched on a similar topic back when Bobby, my first born, was about six months old. And now I find it quite humorous that I’m here again discussing this topic again since the birth of my second child Florence who is now seven months old.

I can’t help but begin writing this post while bopping about to, ‘How Will I Know’ by my absolute favourite, Whitney Houston.

Ooooooooh tell me, how will I know? How will I knowwwwwwwwwww? How will I knowwwwwwww? Hey, how will I know-owwwwwww?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, brings me to the all-important question of the day; how will I know? The first time I wrote a blog piece like this, I was asking myself ‘how will I know when I am ready for baby number two?’ I’ve gone from ‘how will I know when I am ready to have a second baby’ to ‘how the HELL will I know if I’m done having kids?’

I know what you are already thinking while reading this, “Oh you will definitely have another.”  And that’s because that is what EVERYONE says to us. We are both 26 and despite having two kids quite young, we still have many years of prime baby making ahead of us. And while I acknowledge this point, who is to actually say we want more than two kids? Because I am young, does that determine how many offspring we will produce? If that was the theory, then it would mean that a woman in her forties is assumed to only have one baby? That theory makes no sense to me. I don’t believe my age should determine how many children we have.

In saying that, (while risking sounding like the biggest contradiction to exist!) perhaps my age will determine how many children I have. I often think about my later years when our surrounding friends will be getting married and having kids in their late 20s/ early 30s and I am sure we will experience a little FOMO (fear of missing out) and maybe catch baby fever all over again? Will the clucky feelings return and will Jaryd (or I) be doing the sneaky hand under the doona for a little, ‘C’mon. One more hey?’

When I fell pregnant with my second child, I immediately told myself if it was a girl, I would be DONE. My husband agreed. We would have our pigeon pair and that would be that. If I was to have another boy, we were going to be one of those super crazy parents and go back-to-back and try for a girl. Yep. You heard me. If Florence had come out a boy, I wouldn’t be typing this article because I would have hopefully already been pregnant again. Crazy? Yes! But is that what we wanted? Yep!

Then in January this year, my beautiful little girl came out and due to the fact she was a newborn who didn’t give us any sleep deprivation or anxiety, we nearly made the decision to go round three straight away! My girlfriend Abby told me I was crazy and I should wait until Flossy was crawling or at least teething before I made such a decision. Well… All I can is, that’s what friends are for! Now I am not drowning in sleep deprivation with a teething seven-month old who has learned a few tricks on how to get Mummy up in the middle of the night. Therefore, I am very glad those ‘third baby so soon’ thoughts quickly came and went!

While I know I don’t need to make a decision NOW as to what we want to do, we are lucky that time is in our favour as young parents. We are currently finding ourselves in a position of looking for a new house, planning schooling. You know. Making serious adult life decisions. So it is hard for me not to think ahead.

If you haven’t already picked up on this throughout the article. The answer is, I simply don’t know.

My head says no more babies. We are blessed with two gorgeous, healthy kids and we are so incredibly grateful to be parents. We are financially stable and currently have OK freedom (as much as you can have with a three year old and a baby!) Having that little bit of time out, or time with Jaryd as a couple is what we need for our mental state and our marriage. We look at what school we want to send our children to and how the financial impact that would have on us. Could we afford to do give our children the same opportunities if we there was more than two? My body is also still recovering after my second pregnancy. And despite having youth on my side, another pregnancy does concern me a little due to some minor issues I suffer from, that run the risk of becoming major.

But… My heart says YES! If I was to listen to my heart, I’d actually have four. I have a weird thing with odd numbers. Coming from a family of four myself, it was the perfect balance. If you had a fight with one, there was always another two options to go play with. I love the bond I share with all my siblings and despite the upmost chaos we experienced at times, it’s so amazing to have nearly 8 (one is ready to pop!) nieces and nephews.  I certainly acknowledge (like I mentioned before), that when my girlfriends start having mini-humans, that my cluck-o-metre will probably explode and there is a slight inevitability that I will cave. My husband says he is happy with two, but he is also happy when I am happy. So if I said I wanted another one now…well I wouldn’t be writing this article that’s for sure!

Ok I am exhausted. I clearly have no idea and jump from one side of the fence to another! How will you know when you are done? I am not sure. But I am sure that there will come a point when I will know that chapter is closed and a new one will begin. But when that is, I simply don’t know.

Written by Sophie Cachia.

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