So many tears


I am really hoping this isn’t just me but since having my baby girl almost two years ago, I have fundamentally changed as a person. For the better, I may add, but I have definitely been transformed.

I’ve thought about this a lot and even though I think there are a number of contributing factors like getting older or should I say “maturing” I definitely think Ruby has been the catalyst. So how have I changed? Well, I seem to have a problem with my eyes. They just fill with water so easily, so much so that a steady stream of the clear liquid just runs down my cheeks. I know by now you are laughing at me or thinking I’m completely strange because I can bring myself to say it but YES OK! Since having Ruby, I cry all the time.

Of course I have cried before but never so frequently and never because I’ve been so happy. I catch myself quite often sitting on my sofa just watching Ruby play and tears will well up out of nowhere. It’s complete utter joy and happiness. Is this normal? Or have I completely lost my mind?

I’ve written about my IVF journey before, in short it was a failure for us and Ruby was a true miracle child when she was conceived naturally against pretty dire odds. So I wonder if this has something to do with my heightened sense of emotion. It would surely make sense because I truly think about how lucky I am to have a child and one as perfect as Ruby, every single day.

Do other women go from quite normal highly functioning adults to blubbering messes like me overnight as soon as they become mums? Surely my hormones have settled down by now, I mean my baby girl is almost two!

It’s been ok to this point as most of my sobbing has been done behind closed doors but as I look to the years ahead, I wonder how I’m going to contain it? What about her first dance concert or heaven help me if she wins a prize at school? I’ll be in public place and I can just picture myself diving into my handbag to find a scrunched up tissue to mop away all my tears.

This emotion overload, thank goodness, is not just specific to me, it’s hit my husband quite hard too. We can’t bear watching or hearing terrible stories about young children these days. On many occasions I have seen him well up over a little snippet on the news about a young baby being injured or receiving treatment in hospital. We both look at each other with a terrible sadness in our eyes knowing how lucky we are, that’s not our Ruby girl.

We often talk about this “new state of us.” Considering from where we’ve come from, it’s quite a dramatic turn around. Our backgrounds are both in news. Me as a journalist and him as a cameraman. We have both unfortunately covered some pretty horrendous stories over the years and we of course have felt empathy and concern but I can’t help thinking if I had to go back and report on those stories now, I might not be able to do it.

There is no doubt having a baby is a very emotional experience but I wasn’t quite prepared for the prolonged emotional roller coaster of the last two years. Does it ease off? Do I get used to these overwhelming feelings of love, worry and sheer delight which come with seeing your offspring grow? I have a feeling that many of you with older children are having a little chuckle right now and would suggest I just bite the bullet and buy a lifetime supply of tissues.

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Article by Wattle Health Brand Ambassador, Rebecca Maddern.